Timbers and Thorns Patch Gallery

I added a Timbers and Thorns patch gallery to the site. It’s a work in progress. So far, 209 entries, which includes patches designed by the Timbers organization, No Pity Originals, and unaffiliated supporters. There are lot of gaps in the information, but this is a good start. Patch culture, designing and trading is a strong subgroup of the Timbers Army community. Check out the Patch Gallery. You may notice one of the categories is called “Merritt Badges” instead of merit badges. It’s not a typo, rather a reference to owner Merritt Paulson. And just like merit badge you get in a Scouting program, you have torn these too.

Post Season Anxious Handwringing…

Stumptown Footy with news and analysis of roster changes and the expansion draft.

Timbers Announce First Round of Changes from 2016 Roster; Trade for International Roster Slot
Read it: Stumptown Footy


MLS Announces Expansion Draft Protected Lists
Read it: Stumptown Footy


Ahh.. Nutmeg News. Thanks for this.

Despite Excitement Over MLS Cup Win, Sounders Fan Decides To Not Re-Watch Game
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Sounders Sloppy Seconds

Well that sucked. The Sounders winning the MLS Cup is the doggie doo icing on the crap cake that was the 2016 season. Absolutely zero shots on goal, but they win in the PK shootout. It’s as if Toronto won the popular vote but the Sounders weaseled in via the Electoral College.  I knew I could count on The Nutmeg News to bring levity to the situation.

Sounders’ Victory Spawns Protests As MLS Supporters Say “Not My MLS Cup Champion”
Read it: The Nutmeg News


It’s Cup Day

It’s MLS Cup Day. What a difference a year makes.

Even if Seattle wins, it seems their first MLS Cup will be overshadowed by the Timbers having done it first. It’s not just me that thinks so!

Portland’s 2015 MLS Cup triumph has spurred Seattle’s run to the final
Read it: EspnFC.com


Cascadian pride or Seattle/Toronto hate? It’s a tough decision for both of the Cascadian sides sitting this Cup out. The TA gets the headline photo in this article.

The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com


I had not planned on posting about this, but it sort of naturally fits here. Leslie Jones is a divisive figure in comedy. People either love her or hate her. I had been warming to her recently, but last week’s appearance wearing a Sounders jersey during the closing credits of SNL has me reversing course. On second thought, she is a comedian, so maybe this was supposed to be funny.

The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com


I have suspected Alexi Lalas of having an anti-Timbers bias, but it’s possible he just doesn’t like Cascadia. Alexi’s third reason on why Toronto should win today is something I think we all can agree on.

Alexi Lalas gives 3 reasons why Toronto FC will beat the Seattle Sounders FC in tomorrow’s Major League Soccer (MLS) Cup.
Watch it: FS1 on Facebook


Speaking of insufferable…

One Win From Championship, Sounders Fans Ready To Seize The Crown Of Insufferability From Chastened Timbers Fans.
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Forget the mainstream Soccer media. The Nutmeg news offers all the concise game day analysis you could ever want.

Battle Of The Phallus: Seattle And Toronto Battle It Out To Determine Exactly Which Side Is The Cock-Of-The-Walk.
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Porter Bullish on Rodney Wallace while scouting in Costa Rica

porter-costa-rica

Caleb Porter was spotted in Costa Rica doing some scouting. The reporters on hand asked hime the usual questions about who and what he was scouting for, and he gave the expected nonspecific answers, until about the 5:30 mark when the subject of Rodney Wallace was brought up. Surprisingly, Porter said they were still in contact, and he had in fact received a text from him a couple days earlier. Porter’s delivery made it seem like it was a purely social interaction, but it’s unlikely he would tip his hand in the event that it wasn’t. Still he did say “Who knows, maybe down the road we’ll get him back,” albeit with a big grin on his face. If you read Spanish, you can get the story at YashinQuesada.com, or watch the video after the jump.

Continue reading “Porter Bullish on Rodney Wallace while scouting in Costa Rica”

New Kit Tease

2017kit

Merritt Paulson posted a tease of the 2017 kit. From what we can see, it looks like a modernization of the beloved alternative retro kit we were forced to ditch for the 2016 season. Stoked! This is the first time since the Chevron that I haven’t been immediately turned off on first viewing. Of course that hasn’t stopped my from buying in the past…

 

 

Should I stay or should I go?

2016roster

After the dumpster fire that was the last week of our 2016 season, we knew changes were coming. There were a couple announcements that were a little bit of a surprise and, and welcome at the same time. First, Jack Jewsbury is retired from the pitch, but sticking around the Timbers organization as Director of Business Development. Many had speculated that he might return to the Kansas City area, so supporters were happy to learn that Captain jack is sticking around.

[Photos: (Clockwise top left) Gabriel De Los Rios, Craig Mitchelldyer, ESPN, Troy Wayrynen, Craig Mitchelldyer AP Photo/Steve Dykes]

Continue reading “Should I stay or should I go?”

Heads will roll…

swiws

I made this graphic in 5 minutes on Monday morning as a way to try and lighten the mood a little bit. I posted in the PTFC Patch Patrol, a patch trading group that I spend too much time in. It went over pretty well, and unfortunately, (or fortunately, I’m not sure how I feel about this…) someone asked if they could produce it. After absolving myself, I turned over the vector art and then, off course, ordered some for myself once the project went live. You can get in on it if the ordering isn’t closed. If not, sit back and watch Caleb Porter’s post game comments after our mind-numbing meltdown in Vancouver, which was preceded by a really disappointing draw and exit from CCL competition three days earlier.

crapped-out

[A sobering tweet from the Timbers Army]

Continue reading “Heads will roll…”

Sit down young man, we need to have a serious talk.

rctidui

“Jake, your mom and I are so very disappointed in you. I mean, what would your poor grandmother think? I expect this from Liam, but you just KNOW better. You are not allowed to hang out with Liam anymore. You’re grounded. You go to your job and you come home immediately, no socializing afterwards. I want you to delete his contact from your phone and unfriend him on Facebook. You let your team down, you let your family down, and you let yourself down. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”

[Source: KATU] #RCTIDUI

Continue reading “Sit down young man, we need to have a serious talk.”

Saprissa CCL

Our last CCL match in this round, and we have a really good chance of advancing for the first time. In fact, as I’m writing this (before Colorado away), it may be our best chance of advancing in anything this year. When I volunteered to chaperone an overnight field trip at my kid’s school, I did not check the CCL schedule first. I’m not even going to be in a place with cell phone reception, so don’t spoil it for me. 107ist has a good read on what it’s like to travel to Costa Rica to take in a Timbers match.

pura-vida Pura Vida Away (Unabridged)

Read it: TimbersArmy.org

No Pity, No Mercy

wrestle-no-mercy

WWE wrestlers the Uso Brothers wearing a Mitchell & Ness Timbers cap at a pay-per-view event titled No Mercy 2016. Apparently wrestling is still a thing. If it ain’t George the Animal Steele or Andre the Giant, it ain’t for me. What’s the big deal about Mitchell & Ness? Their Timbers collection looks mostly generic to me.

Source: Timbers.com
Screencap: Chris Burkhardt]

Odds & Sods

I get a little less upset about Valentin not being on the field with most matches that Vitas plays. I still want to see Zarek on the pitch for us, and Vitas may have won the starting position, but it’s still a close fight to see who is the most likable guy.

vytas Andriuskevicius: Scotland fans need to be special to come close to matching Timbers
Read it: Scottish Sun


That time someone spent untold hours knitting a giant beard and Timber’s hat for the face sculpture outside Providence Park.

beardo ‘Beard Bomb’ hits mask sculpture at Timbers stadium
Read it: OregonLive.com


scarf-hoarders The Timbers Army Are Really, Really Crazy About Scarves
Read it: Willamette Week


papercraft Cut out and build your own Papercraft Providence Park
Read it: Timbers.com


Darlington Nagbe, Diego Valeri, and Nat Borchers come in at 11, 12, and 16 respectively in top 20 selling MLS jerseys.

jersey Kei Kamara on list of best-selling MLS jerseys
Read it: The Bent Musket

Animated MLS Goal Highlights

goalsanim

Remember 2015? What a fine year…. Check out Augustus Rachel’s short animation of some of the top goals from the 2015 season. The Timbers make 2 appearances in the video, but one of them is something we’d all like to forget. The screamer from Asprilla will not soon be forgotten. I wish he had worked out his issues and stayed with the team.

Continue reading “Animated MLS Goal Highlights”

Timbers Tattoo Gallery Up!

tatttoos

I finally got the Timbers and Timbers Army Tattoo gallery and running. It would have been simple enough just to throw up some pages in a category labeled “tattoos” (crap, why didn’t I do that?) but I wanted to make it in the form of a plugin to handle taxonomies in the back end without having to make a custom theme. This in preparation for making a plugin out of the season tracker that you see under the masthead. I’m hoping to package it so other MLS supporters can easily use it to track their own teams without having to know the ins and outs of WordPress and be able to use it on any template. I’ve since become aware of this gallery posted by the Oregonian, which has a lot that I’m missing. That’s OK, the PTFZine Tattoo gallery is a living entity. There are 28 tattoos (Now 40, a short time later) in the gallery, and I hope to keep adding to it, as well as replacing some of the photos that were taken too soon after visiting the Double Post. There will be some interface tweaks as well, definitely room for improvement. There’s also room in every post for stories, the tattoo artist, tattoo parlor, and links to both if you have them. If they aren’t listed now, it’s because you didn’t tell me. Contact me if you have tattoos to add or edits to make. Tell a friend in the TA. Now go check it out.

Bad timing

apple-watch

It was an unfortunate week for the Portland Timbers to be featured in a demo of the MLS app on the Apple watch.  I love it when my worlds collide, (I’m a long, long time Apple user) but not in this case. The FC Dallas/Timbers scoreline appears shortly after the 28 minute mark in the September 7, 2016 Apple Event.  A friend of mine from Portland moved to California a year or so ago to work for Apple in their marketing department, so maybe he set this up in advance, anticipating a better result.

 

The Seattle Rickroll Tifo

seattle-tifo

I went to the Seattle away match last Sunday. Not a lot of positivity to take home from such a decisive loss, except for the overwhelming failure of the ill conceived  ECS tif0. Normally, matters of tifo quality are shouting matches between the supporters groups directly involved. However, in this case, Seattle’s Rickroll tifo has met with universal ridicule, even outside the MLS.  Even if you agree with the ECS statement, there’s no denying that the execution was poor.  MLS wants to promote the biggest/best rivalry in the league in order raise TV ratings and increase interest in the league? How dare they! This is the second Seattle tifo flub this season, if you’re keeping track.

Is this Seattle Sounders tifo the worst ever? The internet thinks so.Fox Sports

The day the Tifo died… – A Medium Corporation

We Need To Talk About The Sounders’ “Rickroll” Tifo – Paste Magazine

Seattle Sounders fans hold up Rick Astley lyrics in weirdest tifo ever – Sports Joe

Seattle Sounders fans display bizarre tribute to 80s pop legend Rick Astley – The Sun

For the Nutmeg News, this is like shooting fish in a barrel…

6400 Word Dissertation To Accompany Next Sounders T.I.F.O – Nutmeg News

 

Excell Ent

MLS Topps Trading Cards

This is the first time I’ve seen Timbers (or any) Topps MLS trading cards in a local Target. In years past I’ve always had to order them online. This things are printed early on, but here are fewer missing notables than last year’s set. I think that came with a couple rookie cards featuring guys that never saw first team minutes. Ben Polk is the only guy who hasn’t seen first team minutes this yea. Unfortunately, Borchers is out for the season, possibly his career, but it was nice to see him get a card. Then there’s the Adam Kwarasey card. I would have liked to see him get the chance to say goodbye to the the home crowd before we shipped him off. The title of this post refers to the inadvertent phrasing of the price marking on the point of sale… There is one extra special card that is Excell Ent, even “Excellent.”

Continue reading “Excell Ent”

Are Steven Taylors Electric?

electric

Steven Taylor looks a little bit like Gary Numan. On the left, an uncredited photo from a Stumptown Footy article that chronicles Steven Taylor’s disastrous debut appearance for T2 over the weekend, in which he scored an own goal in the first 9 minutes, and shared the blame for at least one of the other goals before being subbed off after 60 minutes. He’s really getting raked over the coals in the UK Press. On the right, a picture of Gary Numan during a vintage performance of Are Friends Electric?. Numan was younger than Taylor when the video was shot. I could have chosen a later era picture of Numan for the comparison, but then I wouldn’t be able to include the video after the jump.

Continue reading “Are Steven Taylors Electric?”

Hoping for the best, but its the worst.

All the predictions are saying achilles tendon injury, which could mean the end of Nat’s career, especially at his age. We’re hoping for the best, Nat.

UPDATE: Speculation was correct. Nat Borchers did intact future his achilles tendon and will be out for the rest of the season. It’s a blow to the Timbers for sure, but a bigger one for Nat. Portland feels for you Nat!

 

 

Ridgewell negotiating contract extension. Yahoo Sports thinks he’s Lucas Melano

 

There’s a nice bit of fluff in the UK edition of Yahoo Sports about Liam Ridgewell’s negotiation to extend his contract with Portland. The is excellent news. Common wisdom around Stumptown Footy had been he was most like not coming back, as evidenced by his recurring loan stints to English teams during our off season, and the fact that his children still live in the U.K. It’s not that they think he doesn’t like it here, more that they thought this was just an interesting, but limited diversion for Liam, and he would soon want to return home. So this is good news. The bad news for Liam atlas, is that journalists in the U.K. have apparently forgot what he looks like. A day after the article was published, it still shows a picture of Lucas Melano captioned as Liam Ridgewell.

melano-as-ridgewell

Match Day Red

matchday-red

Columbia Crest vineyards has released Match Day Red, with Timbers themed packaging. There’s even an accompanying video. The winery is on the Columbia Gorge in Paterson, WA, which is about equidistant from Seattle and Portland. To hedge their bets they’ve also released a Sounders themed Supporters Blend. ( I’m pretty sure the Seattle version tastes like sour grapes…) The videos essentially share the same script, just fill in your team name. The wine has shown up in a few Safeways so far, but wasn’t at the one in NE Portland on MLK when I checked today.

Continue reading “Match Day Red”

No More Portland Boys

The Timbers Army board announced today that the Portland Boys chant will not be featured or initiated by the Timbers Army, effective immediately. It’s no hard to understand why the chant was eliminated even if you disagree. The specific line I will miss from this chant is not the controversial one, but the one that gave me juvenile glee in hearing on national TV. Can you hear the TA sing (“Portland Boys?”) I DON’T HEAR A FUCKING THING!

Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)
Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)

If I have a home game still on the DVR, I’ll see if I can find and capture that part of the chant for the sake of (rude) history.

The Timbers Army march in the Pride Parade

pride-parade

I just barely managed to catch a picture  of the Timbers Army marching in the 2016 Pride parade. As usual, the TA made us proud.  Catch  a little video after the jump. UPDATE: Timbers Army posted a link to some photos by Ray Terrill.

Continue reading “The Timbers Army march in the Pride Parade”