Saprissa CCL

Our last CCL match in this round, and we have a really good chance of advancing for the first time. In fact, as I’m writing this (before Colorado away), it may be our best chance of advancing in anything this year. When I volunteered to chaperone an overnight field trip at my kid’s school, I did not check the CCL schedule first. I’m not even going to be in a place with cell phone reception, so don’t spoil it for me. 107ist has a good read on what it’s like to travel to Costa Rica to take in a Timbers match.

pura-vida Pura Vida Away (Unabridged)

Read it: TimbersArmy.org

No Pity, No Mercy

wrestle-no-mercy

WWE wrestlers the Uso Brothers wearing a Mitchell & Ness Timbers cap at a pay-per-view event titled No Mercy 2016. Apparently wrestling is still a thing. If it ain’t George the Animal Steele or Andre the Giant, it ain’t for me. What’s the big deal about Mitchell & Ness? Their Timbers collection looks mostly generic to me.

Source: Timbers.com
Screencap: Chris Burkhardt]

Odds & Sods

I get a little less upset about Valentin not being on the field with most matches that Vitas plays. I still want to see Zarek on the pitch for us, and Vitas may have won the starting position, but it’s still a close fight to see who is the most likable guy.

vytas Andriuskevicius: Scotland fans need to be special to come close to matching Timbers
Read it: Scottish Sun


That time someone spent untold hours knitting a giant beard and Timber’s hat for the face sculpture outside Providence Park.

beardo ‘Beard Bomb’ hits mask sculpture at Timbers stadium
Read it: OregonLive.com


scarf-hoarders The Timbers Army Are Really, Really Crazy About Scarves
Read it: Willamette Week


papercraft Cut out and build your own Papercraft Providence Park
Read it: Timbers.com


Darlington Nagbe, Diego Valeri, and Nat Borchers come in at 11, 12, and 16 respectively in top 20 selling MLS jerseys.

jersey Kei Kamara on list of best-selling MLS jerseys
Read it: The Bent Musket

Animated MLS Goal Highlights

goalsanim

Remember 2015? What a fine year…. Check out Augustus Rachel’s short animation of some of the top goals from the 2015 season. The Timbers make 2 appearances in the video, but one of them is something we’d all like to forget. The screamer from Asprilla will not soon be forgotten. I wish he had worked out his issues and stayed with the team.

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Timbers Tattoo Gallery Up!

tatttoos

I finally got the Timbers and Timbers Army Tattoo gallery and running. It would have been simple enough just to throw up some pages in a category labeled “tattoos” (crap, why didn’t I do that?) but I wanted to make it in the form of a plugin to handle taxonomies in the back end without having to make a custom theme. This in preparation for making a plugin out of the season tracker that you see under the masthead. I’m hoping to package it so other MLS supporters can easily use it to track their own teams without having to know the ins and outs of WordPress and be able to use it on any template. I’ve since become aware of this gallery posted by the Oregonian, which has a lot that I’m missing. That’s OK, the PTFZine Tattoo gallery is a living entity. There are 28 tattoos (Now 40, a short time later) in the gallery, and I hope to keep adding to it, as well as replacing some of the photos that were taken too soon after visiting the Double Post. There will be some interface tweaks as well, definitely room for improvement. There’s also room in every post for stories, the tattoo artist, tattoo parlor, and links to both if you have them. If they aren’t listed now, it’s because you didn’t tell me. Contact me if you have tattoos to add or edits to make. Tell a friend in the TA. Now go check it out.

Bad timing

apple-watch

It was an unfortunate week for the Portland Timbers to be featured in a demo of the MLS app on the Apple watch.  I love it when my worlds collide, (I’m a long, long time Apple user) but not in this case. The FC Dallas/Timbers scoreline appears shortly after the 28 minute mark in the September 7, 2016 Apple Event.  A friend of mine from Portland moved to California a year or so ago to work for Apple in their marketing department, so maybe he set this up in advance, anticipating a better result.

 

The Seattle Rickroll Tifo

seattle-tifo

I went to the Seattle away match last Sunday. Not a lot of positivity to take home from such a decisive loss, except for the overwhelming failure of the ill conceived  ECS tif0. Normally, matters of tifo quality are shouting matches between the supporters groups directly involved. However, in this case, Seattle’s Rickroll tifo has met with universal ridicule, even outside the MLS.  Even if you agree with the ECS statement, there’s no denying that the execution was poor.  MLS wants to promote the biggest/best rivalry in the league in order raise TV ratings and increase interest in the league? How dare they! This is the second Seattle tifo flub this season, if you’re keeping track.

Is this Seattle Sounders tifo the worst ever? The internet thinks so.Fox Sports

The day the Tifo died… – A Medium Corporation

We Need To Talk About The Sounders’ “Rickroll” Tifo – Paste Magazine

Seattle Sounders fans hold up Rick Astley lyrics in weirdest tifo ever – Sports Joe

Seattle Sounders fans display bizarre tribute to 80s pop legend Rick Astley – The Sun

For the Nutmeg News, this is like shooting fish in a barrel…

6400 Word Dissertation To Accompany Next Sounders T.I.F.O – Nutmeg News

 

Excell Ent

MLS Topps Trading Cards

This is the first time I’ve seen Timbers (or any) Topps MLS trading cards in a local Target. In years past I’ve always had to order them online. This things are printed early on, but here are fewer missing notables than last year’s set. I think that came with a couple rookie cards featuring guys that never saw first team minutes. Ben Polk is the only guy who hasn’t seen first team minutes this yea. Unfortunately, Borchers is out for the season, possibly his career, but it was nice to see him get a card. Then there’s the Adam Kwarasey card. I would have liked to see him get the chance to say goodbye to the the home crowd before we shipped him off. The title of this post refers to the inadvertent phrasing of the price marking on the point of sale… There is one extra special card that is Excell Ent, even “Excellent.”

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Are Steven Taylors Electric?

electric

Steven Taylor looks a little bit like Gary Numan. On the left, an uncredited photo from a Stumptown Footy article that chronicles Steven Taylor’s disastrous debut appearance for T2 over the weekend, in which he scored an own goal in the first 9 minutes, and shared the blame for at least one of the other goals before being subbed off after 60 minutes. He’s really getting raked over the coals in the UK Press. On the right, a picture of Gary Numan during a vintage performance of Are Friends Electric?. Numan was younger than Taylor when the video was shot. I could have chosen a later era picture of Numan for the comparison, but then I wouldn’t be able to include the video after the jump.

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Hoping for the best, but its the worst.

All the predictions are saying achilles tendon injury, which could mean the end of Nat’s career, especially at his age. We’re hoping for the best, Nat.

UPDATE: Speculation was correct. Nat Borchers did intact future his achilles tendon and will be out for the rest of the season. It’s a blow to the Timbers for sure, but a bigger one for Nat. Portland feels for you Nat!

 

 

Ridgewell negotiating contract extension. Yahoo Sports thinks he’s Lucas Melano

 

There’s a nice bit of fluff in the UK edition of Yahoo Sports about Liam Ridgewell’s negotiation to extend his contract with Portland. The is excellent news. Common wisdom around Stumptown Footy had been he was most like not coming back, as evidenced by his recurring loan stints to English teams during our off season, and the fact that his children still live in the U.K. It’s not that they think he doesn’t like it here, more that they thought this was just an interesting, but limited diversion for Liam, and he would soon want to return home. So this is good news. The bad news for Liam atlas, is that journalists in the U.K. have apparently forgot what he looks like. A day after the article was published, it still shows a picture of Lucas Melano captioned as Liam Ridgewell.

melano-as-ridgewell

Match Day Red

matchday-red

Columbia Crest vineyards has released Match Day Red, with Timbers themed packaging. There’s even an accompanying video. The winery is on the Columbia Gorge in Paterson, WA, which is about equidistant from Seattle and Portland. To hedge their bets they’ve also released a Sounders themed Supporters Blend. ( I’m pretty sure the Seattle version tastes like sour grapes…) The videos essentially share the same script, just fill in your team name. The wine has shown up in a few Safeways so far, but wasn’t at the one in NE Portland on MLK when I checked today.

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No More Portland Boys

The Timbers Army board announced today that the Portland Boys chant will not be featured or initiated by the Timbers Army, effective immediately. It’s no hard to understand why the chant was eliminated even if you disagree. The specific line I will miss from this chant is not the controversial one, but the one that gave me juvenile glee in hearing on national TV. Can you hear the TA sing (“Portland Boys?”) I DON’T HEAR A FUCKING THING!

Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)
Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)

If I have a home game still on the DVR, I’ll see if I can find and capture that part of the chant for the sake of (rude) history.

The Timbers Army march in the Pride Parade

pride-parade

I just barely managed to catch a picture  of the Timbers Army marching in the 2016 Pride parade. As usual, the TA made us proud.  Catch  a little video after the jump. UPDATE: Timbers Army posted a link to some photos by Ray Terrill.

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No Pity, No Shame

nopity-noshame

Some might call it opportunism, but most members of the Timbers Army probably have a lot more colorful words to describe an individual who buys items from the No Pity Van and then resells them on Ebay with an exorbitant markup. Everything shown here from Scotishstriker’s Ebay listing is still or recently available direct form the source. Those patches retail for $5, while scarves are only $10 from the van.  I’ve heard of people listing TA items at retail just to combat the Ebay profiteers.

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DV8 Donates

dv8-28sec

The most gracious man in the MLS has donated the ball he used to score the MLS Cup record setting 27 second goal to the Timbers Army. The images above are from the video and picture in the Timbers Army post that broke the news. Is it possible to retire a jersey number while the player is still playing? Let’s do it!  Have you seen the fan-created patch that commemorated the event? Catch the patch and a replay of the goal after the jump.

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Portland Boys

Jaimie Goldberg’s piece in the Oregonian on the controversial phrase in the Portland Boys chant certainly has people talking. It’s one of my favorite chants, because I love the part where 10,000 people yell “I don’t hear a fucking thing!” and it’s always clearly audible over the TV. That’s just me. I’m immature about certain things. I don’t mind the line “shag your women, drink you beer.” In context it’s obviously a silly boastful line about also winning a competition for the opposing team’s dates. We don’t really advocate burning, destroying, wrecking, and killing either. Human life is the most sacred thing, right? If anything, I’m more uncomfortable with that line. However, and this is a big but, (Said Pee Wee: Let’s talk about your big “but” Simone. ) I can 100% understand how people are offended by the line. I’ve often wondered about it’s place in the repertoire of official chants for an organization that prides itself on inclusiveness and tolerance.

Simply changing the official words is unlikely to work. Disseminating that information to several thousand loosely aligned people is impossible, and the crowd will simply chant whatever it prefers. I suppose over enough time, with repeated reminders and enough examples, it might possibly work. Fact: It’s not going to happen in one season. So I’m on the record for keeping the chant and abstaining from saying it if you don’t like it, or changing the words if you prefer. If we get rid of it, someone please come up with another way for us to get thousands of people yelling “fucking” on national television, and I’ll get behind that one too. This is my opinion only, and not necessarily the same as the other (2) contributors to this site. You’ll have to ask them. BTW, I’m Polish, so feel free to send me your favorite Polish jokes if you want to see if I have a double standard about this. I don’t. I can appreciate a good Polish joke too.

Meanwhile, speaking of humor, the Nutmeg News tackled the subject of the offending chant by suggesting an official TA rewording carried out to the most excruciatingly politically correct extreme. It’s the low hanging fruit version for sure. I love the Nutmeg News, but some pieces fall flat. The winner by a long shot is the sometimes hilarious but way-to-infrequently-updated MLS Satire Facebook page.

phallic

Nagbe!!!!!!

Darlington Nagbe scores his first goal for his country on a volley. Well done sir. After you’re done watching his first goal for the USMNT, check out the excellent MLS Insider video Citizen Nagbe.

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Giuda Live in Portland Tonight

Giuda is live at Dantes tonight. They should play this song over the P.A. before matches in Providence Park. This is Giuda with Number 10. These guys are Italian, I wonder how they feel about Pirlo’s whining.

More Subbuteo table top soccer action after the jump with the Undertones and My Perfect Cousin.

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MLS promo or online dating commercial?

There’a a lot of awkward shots in this MLS produced video with host Andrea Feczko. It’s very reminiscent of an online dating site or adult chat line, and just feels really forced. Also strange that they waited until now to release this footage which washout in advance of our season opener. Ah… good times right? Remember when the future was full of the expectation of dominating the season?

(Warning: The preroll commercial will will play loudly with volume control disabled. I wish MLS would discontinue this poor netizen behavior.)

Four Three Tattoos

Four Three tattoos poorly photographed (with permission) outside the No Pity van after the Toronto match on 5-1-16.

UPDATE: There were four, but I was asked to remove one of them. The good news is that I’ve received over 20 additional submissions so far! Once I figure the best way to display them I’ll post a proper gallery. Several people asked me to include credit and links to the tattoo artists, so it’s slightly more complicated than the way things are in this post. I anticipate the gallery growing large over time, so I want to make sure it starts out right.

UPDATE: The official gallery is up, with 40 tattoos so far.

Who’s got ink? Send in your Timbers tattoos.