Are Steven Taylors Electric?

electric

Steven Taylor looks a little bit like Gary Numan. On the left, an uncredited photo from a Stumptown Footy article that chronicles Steven Taylor’s disastrous debut appearance for T2 over the weekend, in which he scored an own goal in the first 9 minutes, and shared the blame for at least one of the other goals before being subbed off after 60 minutes. He’s really getting raked over the coals in the UK Press. On the right, a picture of Gary Numan during a vintage performance of Are Friends Electric?. Numan was younger than Taylor when the video was shot. I could have chosen a later era picture of Numan for the comparison, but then I wouldn’t be able to include the video after the jump.

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Hoping for the best, but its the worst.

All the predictions are saying achilles tendon injury, which could mean the end of Nat’s career, especially at his age. We’re hoping for the best, Nat.

UPDATE: Speculation was correct. Nat Borchers did intact future his¬†achilles tendon and will be out for the rest of the season. It’s a blow to the Timbers for sure, but a bigger one for Nat. Portland feels for you Nat!

 

 

Ridgewell negotiating contract extension. Yahoo Sports thinks he’s Lucas Melano

 

There’s a nice bit of fluff in the UK edition of¬†Yahoo Sports about Liam Ridgewell’s negotiation to extend his contract with Portland. The is excellent news.¬†Common wisdom around Stumptown Footy had been he was most like not coming back, as evidenced by¬†his recurring loan stints to English teams during our off season, and the fact that his children still live in the U.K. It’s not that they think he doesn’t like it here, more that they thought this was just an interesting, but limited diversion for Liam, and he would soon want to return home. So this is good news. The bad news for Liam atlas, is that journalists in the U.K. have apparently forgot what he looks like.¬†A day after the article was published, it still shows a picture of Lucas Melano captioned as Liam Ridgewell.

melano-as-ridgewell

Match Day Red

matchday-red

Columbia Crest vineyards has released Match Day Red, with¬†Timbers themed packaging. There’s even an accompanying video. The winery is on the Columbia Gorge in Paterson, WA, which is about equidistant from Seattle and Portland. To hedge their bets they’ve also released a Sounders themed Supporters Blend. ( I’m pretty sure the Seattle version tastes like sour grapes…) The videos essentially share the same script, just fill in your team name. The wine has shown up in a few Safeways so far, but wasn’t at the one in NE Portland on MLK when I checked today.

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No More Portland Boys

The Timbers Army¬†board announced today¬†that the Portland Boys chant will not be featured or initiated by the Timbers Army, effective immediately. It’s no hard to understand why the chant was eliminated even if you disagree. The¬†specific line I will miss from this chant is not the controversial one, but the one that gave me¬†juvenile glee in hearing on national TV.¬†Can you hear the TA sing (“Portland Boys?”) I DON’T HEAR A FUCKING THING!

Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)
Screen printed poster on display at Fanladen, originally a No Pity Original. (I think)

If I have a home game still on the DVR, I’ll see if I can find and capture that part of the chant for the sake of (rude) history.

The Timbers Army march in the Pride Parade

pride-parade

I just barely managed to catch a picture  of the Timbers Army marching in the 2016 Pride parade. As usual, the TA made us proud.  Catch  a little video after the jump. UPDATE: Timbers Army posted a link to some photos by Ray Terrill.

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No Pity, No Shame

nopity-noshame

Some might call it opportunism, but most members of the Timbers Army probably have a lot more colorful words to describe an individual who buys items from the No Pity Van and then resells them on Ebay with an¬†exorbitant¬†markup. Everything shown here from Scotishstriker’s¬†Ebay listing is still or recently¬†available¬†direct form the source. Those patches retail for $5, while scarves are only $10 from the van. ¬†I’ve heard of people listing TA items at retail just to combat the Ebay profiteers.

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DV8 Donates

dv8-28sec

The most gracious man in the MLS has donated the ball he used to score the¬†MLS Cup record setting 27 second goal to the Timbers Army. The images above are from the video and picture in the Timbers Army post that broke the news. Is it possible to retire a jersey number while the player is still playing? Let’s do it! ¬†Have you seen the fan-created patch that commemorated the event? Catch¬†the patch and a replay of the goal after the jump.

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Portland Boys

Jaimie Goldberg’s piece in the Oregonian on the controversial phrase in the Portland Boys chant certainly has people talking. It’s one of my favorite chants, because I love the part where 10,000 people yell “I don’t hear a fucking thing!” and it’s always clearly audible over the TV. That’s just me. I’m immature about certain things. I don’t mind the line “shag your women, drink you beer.” In context it’s obviously a silly boastful line about also winning a competition for the opposing team’s dates. We don’t really advocate burning, destroying, wrecking, and killing either. Human life is the most sacred thing, right? If anything, I’m more uncomfortable with that line. However, and this is a big but, (Said Pee Wee: Let’s talk about your big “but” Simone. ) I can 100% understand how people are offended by the line. I’ve often wondered about it’s place in the repertoire of official chants for an organization that prides itself on inclusiveness and tolerance.

Simply changing the official words is unlikely to work. Disseminating that information to several thousand loosely aligned people is impossible, and the crowd will simply chant whatever it prefers. I suppose over enough time, with repeated reminders and enough examples, it might possibly work. Fact: It’s not going to happen in one season. So I’m on the record for keeping the chant and abstaining from saying it if you don’t like it, or changing the words if you prefer. If we get rid of it, someone please come up with another way for us to get thousands of people yelling “fucking” on national television, and I’ll get behind that one too. This is my opinion only, and not necessarily the same as the other (2) contributors to this site. You’ll have to ask them. BTW, I’m Polish, so feel free to send me your favorite Polish jokes if you want to see if I have a double standard about this. I don’t. I can appreciate a good Polish joke too.

Meanwhile, speaking of humor, the Nutmeg News tackled the subject of the offending chant by suggesting an official TA rewording carried out to the most excruciatingly politically correct extreme. It’s the low hanging fruit version for sure. I love the Nutmeg News, but some pieces fall flat. The winner by a long shot is the sometimes hilarious but way-to-infrequently-updated MLS Satire Facebook page.

phallic

Nagbe!!!!!!

Darlington Nagbe scores his first goal for his country on a volley. Well done sir. After you’re done watching his first goal for the USMNT, check out the excellent MLS Insider video Citizen Nagbe.

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Giuda Live in Portland Tonight

Giuda is live at Dantes tonight. They should play this song over the P.A. before matches in Providence Park. This is Giuda with Number 10. These guys are Italian, I wonder how they feel about Pirlo’s whining.

More Subbuteo table top soccer action after the jump with the Undertones and My Perfect Cousin.

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MLS promo or online dating commercial?

There’a a lot of awkward shots in this MLS produced video with host Andrea Feczko. It’s very reminiscent of an online dating site or adult chat line, and just feels really forced. Also strange that they waited until now to release this footage which washout in advance of our season opener. Ah… good times right? Remember when the future was full of the expectation of dominating the season?

(Warning: The preroll commercial will will play loudly with volume control disabled. I wish MLS would discontinue this poor netizen behavior.)

Four Three Tattoos

Four Three tattoos poorly photographed (with permission) outside the No Pity van after the Toronto match on 5-1-16.

UPDATE: There were four, but I was asked to remove one of them. The good news is that I’ve received¬†over 20¬†additional submissions so far! Once I figure the best way to display them I’ll post a proper gallery. Several people asked me to include credit and links to the tattoo artists, so it’s slightly more complicated than the way things are in this post. I anticipate the gallery growing large over time, so I want to make sure it starts out right.

UPDATE: The official gallery is up, with 40 tattoos so far.

Who’s got ink? Send in your Timbers tattoos.

The Invasion of Columbus Patch

columbus-invasion

My wife and I bought plane tickets for the the MLS Cup the same night Lucas Melano sealed the deal in Dallas.  When we got to columbus we were blown away by the traveling Timbers Army and the support the 107ist and TA across the country had provided. It was like being at home in Columbus, and the full story is something for another post. This post is about the patch I produced to commemorate the event. It was also used as an informal fundraiser for the 107ist so they could continue to provide truly legendary away day support for the Timbers Army, and indirectly, the Timbers team itself.

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Supporters Culture

This article on Minnesota United FC supporters groups the Dark Clouds, and TNE (True North Elite) uses the Timbers Army as a yardstick, and includes a little behind the scenes video of our home opener tifo creation, filmed while Minnesota was in town for the Simple Invitational.

minnesota As MLS approaches, Minnesota United’s supporters’ culture blossoms
Read It: Twin Cities Pioneer Press

Nat Borchers, Defender

nat-borchers-defender

As I was watching this video, the title graphics immediately made me think of one of my all time favorite video games. I couldn’t get Williams Defender out of my head. Still better than Stargate in my opinion. Yes, I am probably the only person in the world who finds this amusing. Apparently, you can get a port of Defender on your iPhone, which seems like it would be impossible to play.

At least there was this…

A win in March? A loss at home to Dallas? Relieved when Urruti doesn’t score, but happy when Mattocks does? What sort of topsy-turvy world are Timbers fans living in right now? Darren Mattocks gets his first goal as a Timber. Coincidentally, his first MLS career goal came in Portland as a Whitecap.

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Maxi on the other side

I hope we cheer Maxi Urruti¬†in warmups. I hope he doesn’t celebrate if he scores. I wish he was still in Portland, but it seems his play fits better in the FC Dallas lineup.¬†With 3 goals solar, he’s their leading scorer, and he’s just 1 goal shy of our leading scorer, Fanendo Adi.

urruti-ring

Maxi’s championship ring via Instagram. Watch a bunch of Urruti goals after the jump.

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Timber Jim TED Talk Scarf

timberjimted

My sister in-law went to the Portland TED talks¬†on Saturday and received this Timber Jim “spread the Love” TED talk scarf along with everyone else in the audience. Timber Joey was also on hand, and the two them were signing autographs on scarves and copies of Cupbound & Crowned. More pics and video after the jump.

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A Test of Our Mettle, Make or Break, Turning Point, and a host of other cliches

We’ve got three games in seven days against conference opponents that are all doing much better than us right now. Our back line is in a state of flux. We’ve got new guys with¬†no¬†chemistry, and not-so-new guys performing like rookies. In the space of a week we could be in a very deep hole. These next 3 games could determine whether the 2016 Timbers are actually as great as they are in our hearts, or instead, just an ordinary team. LA, Dallas, and San Jose are in places 6, 1 and 9 respectively in the Supporters Shield race compared to our 16th place standing. This will be the week that all the end of the season articles are going to point to. Or maybe I’m just being dramatic. This is going to be tense week for me.

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Buyer Beware of Irish Limes?

irlimes

Why spend $90-$150 on an MLS jersey when you can get one for $20? If spelling and 100% accuracy aren’t a concern,¬†go for it. Someone should¬†¬†double check the game footage¬†and¬†make sure¬†the so-called Timbers team we fielded¬†against Orlando wasn’t a bunch of imposters in counterfeit jerseys.

– Thanks to Aaron Flynn for the photos

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