After the dumpster fire that was the last week of our 2016 season, we knew changes were coming. There were a couple announcements that were a little bit of a surprise and, and welcome at the same time. First, Jack Jewsbury is retired from the pitch, but sticking around the Timbers organization as Director of Business Development. Many had speculated that he might return to the Kansas City area, so supporters were happy to learn that Captain jack is sticking around.
[Photos: (Clockwise top left) Gabriel De Los Rios, Craig Mitchelldyer, ESPN, Troy Wayrynen, Craig Mitchelldyer AP Photo/Steve Dykes]
I made this graphic in 5 minutes on Monday morning as a way to try and lighten the mood a little bit. I posted in the PTFC Patch Patrol, a patch trading group that I spend too much time in. It went over pretty well, and unfortunately, (or fortunately, I’m not sure how I feel about this…) someone asked if they could produce it. After absolving myself, I turned over the vector art and then, off course, ordered some for myself once the project went live. You can get in on it if the ordering isn’t closed. If not, sit back and watch Caleb Porter’s post game comments after our mind-numbing meltdown in Vancouver, which was preceded by a really disappointing draw and exit from CCL competition three days earlier.
“Jake, your mom and I are so very disappointed in you. I mean, what would your poor grandmother think? I expect this from Liam, but you just KNOW better. You are not allowed to hang out with Liam anymore. You’re grounded. You go to your job and you come home immediately, no socializing afterwards. I want you to delete his contact from your phone and unfriend him on Facebook. You let your team down, you let your family down, and you let yourself down. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”
Our last CCL match in this round, and we have a really good chance of advancing for the first time. In fact, as I’m writing this (before Colorado away), it may be our best chance of advancing in anything this year. When I volunteered to chaperone an overnight field trip at my kid’s school, I did not check the CCL schedule first. I’m not even going to be in a place with cell phone reception, so don’t spoil it for me. 107ist has a good read on what it’s like to travel to Costa Rica to take in a Timbers match.
WWE wrestlers the Uso Brothers wearing a Mitchell & Ness Timbers cap at a pay-per-view event titled No Mercy 2016. Apparently wrestling is still a thing. If it ain’t George the Animal Steele or Andre the Giant, it ain’t for me. What’s the big deal about Mitchell & Ness? Their Timbers collection looks mostly generic to me.
I get a little less upset about Valentin not being on the field with most matches that Vitas plays. I still want to see Zarek on the pitch for us, and Vitas may have won the starting position, but it’s still a close fight to see who is the most likable guy.
Andriuskevicius: Scotland fans need to be special to come close to matching Timbers
Read it: Scottish Sun
That time someone spent untold hours knitting a giant beard and Timber’s hat for the face sculpture outside Providence Park.
Remember 2015? What a fine year…. Check out Augustus Rachel’s short animation of some of the top goals from the 2015 season. The Timbers make 2 appearances in the video, but one of them is something we’d all like to forget. The screamer from Asprilla will not soon be forgotten. I wish he had worked out his issues and stayed with the team.
I finally got the Timbers and Timbers Army Tattoo gallery and running. It would have been simple enough just to throw up some pages in a category labeled “tattoos” (crap, why didn’t I do that?) but I wanted to make it in the form of a plugin to handle taxonomies in the back end without having to make a custom theme. This in preparation for making a plugin out of the season tracker that you see under the masthead. I’m hoping to package it so other MLS supporters can easily use it to track their own teams without having to know the ins and outs of WordPress and be able to use it on any template. I’ve since become aware of this gallery posted by the Oregonian, which has a lot that I’m missing. That’s OK, the PTFZine Tattoo gallery is a living entity. There are 28 tattoos (Now 40, a short time later) in the gallery, and I hope to keep adding to it, as well as replacing some of the photos that were taken too soon after visiting the Double Post. There will be some interface tweaks as well, definitely room for improvement. There’s also room in every post for stories, the tattoo artist, tattoo parlor, and links to both if you have them. If they aren’t listed now, it’s because you didn’t tell me. Contact me if you have tattoos to add or edits to make. Tell a friend in the TA. Now go check it out.
It was an unfortunate week for the Portland Timbers to be featured in a demo of the MLS app on the Apple watch. I love it when my worlds collide, (I’m a long, long time Apple user) but not in this case. The FC Dallas/Timbers scoreline appears shortly after the 28 minute mark in the September 7, 2016 Apple Event. A friend of mine from Portland moved to California a year or so ago to work for Apple in their marketing department, so maybe he set this up in advance, anticipating a better result.
I went to the Seattle away match last Sunday. Not a lot of positivity to take home from such a decisive loss, except for the overwhelming failure of the ill conceived ECS tif0. Normally, matters of tifo quality are shouting matches between the supporters groups directly involved. However, in this case, Seattle’s Rickroll tifo has met with universal ridicule, even outside the MLS. Even if you agree with the ECS statement, there’s no denying that the execution was poor. MLS wants to promote the biggest/best rivalry in the league in order raise TV ratings and increase interest in the league? How dare they! This is the second Seattle tifo flub this season, if you’re keeping track.
Is this Seattle Sounders tifo the worst ever? The internet thinks so. – Fox Sports
This is the first time I’ve seen Timbers (or any) Topps MLS trading cards in a local Target. In years past I’ve always had to order them online. This things are printed early on, but here are fewer missing notables than last year’s set. I think that came with a couple rookie cards featuring guys that never saw first team minutes. Ben Polk is the only guy who hasn’t seen first team minutes this yea. Unfortunately, Borchers is out for the season, possibly his career, but it was nice to see him get a card. Then there’s the Adam Kwarasey card. I would have liked to see him get the chance to say goodbye to the the home crowd before we shipped him off. The title of this post refers to the inadvertent phrasing of the price marking on the point of sale… There is one extra special card that is Excell Ent, even “Excellent.”
Steven Taylor looks a little bit like Gary Numan. On the left, an uncredited photo from a Stumptown Footy article that chronicles Steven Taylor’s disastrous debut appearance for T2 over the weekend, in which he scored an own goal in the first 9 minutes, and shared the blame for at least one of the other goals before being subbed off after 60 minutes. He’s really getting raked over the coals in the UK Press. On the right, a picture of Gary Numan during a vintage performance of Are Friends Electric?. Numan was younger than Taylor when the video was shot. I could have chosen a later era picture of Numan for the comparison, but then I wouldn’t be able to include the video after the jump.
All the predictions are saying achilles tendon injury, which could mean the end of Nat’s career, especially at his age. We’re hoping for the best, Nat.
UPDATE: Speculation was correct. Nat Borchers did intact future his achilles tendon and will be out for the rest of the season. It’s a blow to the Timbers for sure, but a bigger one for Nat. Portland feels for you Nat!
There’s a nice bit of fluff in the UK edition of Yahoo Sports about Liam Ridgewell’s negotiation to extend his contract with Portland. The is excellent news. Common wisdom around Stumptown Footy had been he was most like not coming back, as evidenced by his recurring loan stints to English teams during our off season, and the fact that his children still live in the U.K. It’s not that they think he doesn’t like it here, more that they thought this was just an interesting, but limited diversion for Liam, and he would soon want to return home. So this is good news. The bad news for Liam atlas, is that journalists in the U.K. have apparently forgot what he looks like. A day after the article was published, it still shows a picture of Lucas Melano captioned as Liam Ridgewell.
Columbia Crest vineyards has released Match Day Red, with Timbers themed packaging. There’s even an accompanying video. The winery is on the Columbia Gorge in Paterson, WA, which is about equidistant from Seattle and Portland. To hedge their bets they’ve also released a Sounders themed Supporters Blend. ( I’m pretty sure the Seattle version tastes like sour grapes…) The videos essentially share the same script, just fill in your team name. The wine has shown up in a few Safeways so far, but wasn’t at the one in NE Portland on MLK when I checked today.
The Timbers Army board announced today that the Portland Boys chant will not be featured or initiated by the Timbers Army, effective immediately. It’s no hard to understand why the chant was eliminated even if you disagree. The specific line I will miss from this chant is not the controversial one, but the one that gave me juvenile glee in hearing on national TV. Can you hear the TA sing (“Portland Boys?”) I DON’T HEAR A FUCKING THING!
If I have a home game still on the DVR, I’ll see if I can find and capture that part of the chant for the sake of (rude) history.
I just barely managed to catch a picture of the Timbers Army marching in the 2016 Pride parade. As usual, the TA made us proud. Catch a little video after the jump. UPDATE: Timbers Army posted a link to some photos by Ray Terrill.
Some might call it opportunism, but most members of the Timbers Army probably have a lot more colorful words to describe an individual who buys items from the No Pity Van and then resells them on Ebay with an exorbitant markup. Everything shown here from Scotishstriker’s Ebay listing is still or recently available direct form the source. Those patches retail for $5, while scarves are only $10 from the van. I’ve heard of people listing TA items at retail just to combat the Ebay profiteers.
The most gracious man in the MLS has donated the ball he used to score the MLS Cup record setting 27 second goal to the Timbers Army. The images above are from the video and picture in the Timbers Army post that broke the news. Is it possible to retire a jersey number while the player is still playing? Let’s do it! Have you seen the fan-created patch that commemorated the event? Catch the patch and a replay of the goal after the jump.
Go Ahead, get some Tetris action, courtesy of the Portland Timbers, complete with TA chants. Excellent. Play Set Piece. Apparently the first (only) MLS team to have their own video game, the FO is stepping up their viral marketing game.
I couldn’t figure out what the tinfoil hats were for. I was sitting in 205 and they didn’t quite make it up to our row. Now it makes sense. I heard a rumor there might be some No Pity march based on this Tifo. For all you youngsters out there, it’s from Mars Attacks.
Jaimie Goldberg’s piece in the Oregonian on the controversial phrase in the Portland Boys chant certainly has people talking. It’s one of my favorite chants, because I love the part where 10,000 people yell “I don’t hear a fucking thing!” and it’s always clearly audible over the TV. That’s just me. I’m immature about certain things. I don’t mind the line “shag your women, drink you beer.” In context it’s obviously a silly boastful line about also winning a competition for the opposing team’s dates. We don’t really advocate burning, destroying, wrecking, and killing either. Human life is the most sacred thing, right? If anything, I’m more uncomfortable with that line. However, and this is a big but, (Said Pee Wee: Let’s talk about your big “but” Simone. ) I can 100% understand how people are offended by the line. I’ve often wondered about it’s place in the repertoire of official chants for an organization that prides itself on inclusiveness and tolerance.
Simply changing the official words is unlikely to work. Disseminating that information to several thousand loosely aligned people is impossible, and the crowd will simply chant whatever it prefers. I suppose over enough time, with repeated reminders and enough examples, it might possibly work. Fact: It’s not going to happen in one season. So I’m on the record for keeping the chant and abstaining from saying it if you don’t like it, or changing the words if you prefer. If we get rid of it, someone please come up with another way for us to get thousands of people yelling “fucking” on national television, and I’ll get behind that one too. This is my opinion only, and not necessarily the same as the other (2) contributors to this site. You’ll have to ask them. BTW, I’m Polish, so feel free to send me your favorite Polish jokes if you want to see if I have a double standard about this. I don’t. I can appreciate a good Polish joke too.
Meanwhile, speaking of humor, the Nutmeg News tackled the subject of the offending chant by suggesting an official TA rewording carried out to the most excruciatingly politically correct extreme. It’s the low hanging fruit version for sure. I love the Nutmeg News, but some pieces fall flat. The winner by a long shot is the sometimes hilarious but way-to-infrequently-updated MLS Satire Facebook page.
Giuda is live at Dantes tonight. They should play this song over the P.A. before matches in Providence Park. This is Giuda with Number 10. These guys are Italian, I wonder how they feel about Pirlo’s whining.
More Subbuteo table top soccer action after the jump with the Undertones and My Perfect Cousin.