Ikea on the Bandwagon



For the past couple December’s here in Portland, Ikea has set up a tent in Pioneer Square adjacent to the giant Christmas tree. Late last year they were handing out flyers featuring a sale on a green shelving unit “to celebrate the Portland Timbers winning this year’s MLS Championship.” The last time I was at IKEA in November I was bored out of my skull waiting for my wife to stop browsing, so I changed all the LED strips in the lighting section to alternating green and gold units. Everyone probably thought they were set that way for an Oregon Ducks game. Man, was I geeking out.

Review: Cup Bound & Crowned


I can’t imagine I’ll be writing too many of these for this site, but here it is, the first review on PTFZine.  (Amended to include clarifications from Prost Amerika)

Cup Bound & Crowned
Cider Press Review, 2016
ISBN: 978-1930781-96-6
By the writers of Prost Amerika
Forward by Timber Jim Serrill
Cover Price: $29.95

Two words I didn’t expect to see in this book: Cocaine and Shit.

One word I had to look up while reading this book: Lugubrious.

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Best Inside Training Video Ever
(No really, watch this!)

I particularly enjoy the “off the pitch” variety of official Timber’s videos, the ones where you get to know the personalities of the team a little better. Sure, I religiously watch all the Front Office videos, but let’s face it, Porter never reveals any secret strategies, and they’re usually not relevant after that week’s match is over. They’re mostly just filler to tide you over until the real thing. This video is by far the best behind the scenes practice footage I’ve seen. You get to actually understand how the team practices and see some personality highlighted. I wish it was twice as long. I think Zarek Valentin is trying to make a secret push to become this year’s photobomb contest head on a stick.

RSL Jerseys For Sale In Portland?


These photos were taken about a week after the March 7th, 2015 match against Real Salt Lake in Portland.  We  dominated Real Salt Lake, yet somehow (Rimando’ed) ended up with a draw. Target usually has a pretty weak selection of Timbers gear, if any, so the appearance of RSL Jerseys in Portland Target stores was a bit of a head scratcher. Notice they went on sale for a heavy discount pretty quickly. Somebody in the NW regional logistics office was either very confused, or a huge Nat Borchers fan. Preseason Timbers VS RSL on February 11th. I wonder if there will be Timbers Jerseys on sale in Salt Lake City.

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Let’s Go Get Cokes


I’ve always had an affinity for Coke, growing up in a suburb of Atlanta, and as a skate punk in the 80’s (and beyond) feeling like the song Let’s Go Get Cokes, by The Faction was written for me personally, even though my straight edge phase didn’t last long. Still, finding this Timbers themed Coke display in Safeway, complete with custom scarf startled me a bit. Of course I want the FO to make money where they can, within reason, so we can keep paying those transfer fees. On the other hand, it just felt a little awkward.

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Hello Portland!

Cart before the horse. At the end of the 2014, I had the grand Idea to start a zine about the Portland Timbers. It stemmed from having a long history in zine making  and having a lot of energy leftover after the Timbers (just barely) failed to make the playoffs despite a really strong finish to the season.  Like so many other grand ideas, this one never got off the ground.  Then someone on Facebook mentioned the need for a database to document various supporter’s scarves, and I thought why not. But where to host it? That was as good of an excuse as any to register the domain name. Sometimes a good idea just need little push. I’m going to use this space to publish Timber’s related posts, but don’t look to me for detailed analysis of gameplay. I still can’t tell what formation we’re fielding by looking at the game play, and I didn’t even become interested in Soccer until going to my first Timbers match, which was a reserve team game in 2012.

When that scarf archive goes live, I’ll post a link. Disclosure: I’m backdating this post.