After the dumpster fire that was the last week of our 2016 season, we knew changes were coming. There were a couple announcements that were a little bit of a surprise and, and welcome at the same time. First, Jack Jewsbury is retired from the pitch, but sticking around the Timbers organization as Director of Business Development. Many had speculated that he might return to the Kansas City area, so supporters were happy to learn that Captain jack is sticking around.

[Photos: (Clockwise top left) Gabriel De Los Rios, Craig Mitchelldyer, ESPN, Troy Wayrynen, Craig Mitchelldyer AP Photo/Steve Dykes]

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It’s the end of October and there’s nothing to look forward to except for some housecleaning on the roster and the promise a new season 2017, assuming we survive the expansion draft…

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I made this graphic in 5 minutes on Monday morning as a way to try and lighten the mood a little bit. I posted in the PTFC Patch Patrol, a patch trading group that I spend too much time in. It went over pretty well, and unfortunately, (or fortunately, I’m not sure how I feel about this…) someone asked if they could produce it. After absolving myself, I turned over the vector art and then, off course, ordered some for myself once the project went live. You can get in on it if the ordering isn’t closed. If not, sit back and watch Caleb Porter’s post game comments after our mind-numbing meltdown in Vancouver, which was preceded by a really disappointing draw and exit from CCL competition three days earlier.

[A sobering tweet from the Timbers Army]

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“Jake, your mom and I are so very disappointed in you. I mean, what would your poor grandmother think? I expect this from Liam, but you just KNOW better. You are not allowed to hang out with Liam anymore. You’re grounded. You go to your job and you come home immediately, no socializing afterwards. I want you to delete his contact from your phone and unfriend him on Facebook. You let your team down, you let your family down, and you let yourself down. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”

[Source: KATU] #RCTIDUI

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Our last CCL match in this round, and we have a really good chance of advancing for the first time. In fact, as I’m writing this (before Colorado away), it may be our best chance of advancing in anything this year. When I volunteered to chaperone an overnight field trip at my kid’s school, I did not check the CCL schedule first. I’m not even going to be in a place with cell phone reception, so don’t spoil it for me. 107ist has a good read on what it’s like to travel to Costa Rica to take in a Timbers match.

Pura Vida Away (Unabridged)

Read it: TimbersArmy.org

WWE wrestlers the Uso Brothers wearing a Mitchell & Ness Timbers cap at a pay-per-view event titled No Mercy 2016. Apparently wrestling is still a thing. If it ain’t George the Animal Steele or Andre the Giant, it ain’t for me. What’s the big deal about Mitchell & Ness? Their Timbers collection looks mostly generic to me.

Source: Timbers.com
Screencap: Chris Burkhardt]

I get a little less upset about Valentin not being on the field with most matches that Vitas plays. I still want to see Zarek on the pitch for us, and Vitas may have won the starting position, but it’s still a close fight to see who is the most likable guy.

Andriuskevicius: Scotland fans need to be special to come close to matching Timbers
Read it: Scottish Sun

That time someone spent untold hours knitting a giant beard and Timber’s hat for the face sculpture outside Providence Park.

‘Beard Bomb’ hits mask sculpture at Timbers stadium
Read it: OregonLive.com

The Timbers Army Are Really, Really Crazy About Scarves
Read it: Willamette Week

Cut out and build your own Papercraft Providence Park
Read it: Timbers.com

Darlington Nagbe, Diego Valeri, and Nat Borchers come in at 11, 12, and 16 respectively in top 20 selling MLS jerseys.

Kei Kamara on list of best-selling MLS jerseys
Read it: The Bent Musket

Remember 2015? What a fine year…. Check out Augustus Rachel’s short animation of some of the top goals from the 2015 season. The Timbers make 2 appearances in the video, but one of them is something we’d all like to forget. The screamer from Asprilla will not soon be forgotten. I wish he had worked out his issues and stayed with the team.

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Man that was a nail biter. We’ve got a real chance to advance now, what with Gleeson in the goal instead of Webber…

[Photo: CONCACAF]

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You can be forgiven if you don’t know what this has to do with the Timbers. If you’re wondering, read on.

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