You know the Key Bank Club. We all love to hate them because they show up late for the matches and the TV camera’s show empty seats. I knew they got free hot dogs, but they also get free doughnuts. Not just any old doughnut, but fancy, match specific Voodoo Doughnuts. It’s like they sail their yachts on see of money over there… They finally have a sectional patch called the KBC Donut Destroyers, made by one the wise guys who sits in that section, who assured me is always there before the match starts.
Columbia Crest vineyards has released Match Day Red, with Timbers themed packaging. There’s even an accompanying video. The winery is on the Columbia Gorge in Paterson, WA, which is about equidistant from Seattle and Portland. To hedge their bets they’ve also released a Sounders themed Supporters Blend. ( I’m pretty sure the Seattle version tastes like sour grapes…) The videos essentially share the same script, just fill in your team name. The wine has shown up in a few Safeways so far, but wasn’t at the one in NE Portland on MLK when I checked today.
There’a a lot of awkward shots in this MLS produced video with host Andrea Feczko. It’s very reminiscent of an online dating site or adult chat line, and just feels really forced. Also strange that they waited until now to release this footage which washout in advance of our season opener. Ah… good times right? Remember when the future was full of the expectation of dominating the season?
(Warning: The preroll commercial will will play loudly with volume control disabled. I wish MLS would discontinue this poor netizen behavior.)
When my buddy Tom told me his wife had been a cheerleader for the Portland Timbers, I initially scoffed. I had never heard of the team even having a cheer squad–what soccer team does? I couldn’t find a single reference online to there ever being a squad. Nobody I asked had ever heard of it. I thought it must have been a misunderstanding.
Then he brought in the uniform.
The team indeed did have a cheer squad…for one season. The 1981 Portland Timbers were in their seventh year in the NASL as part of the Northwest Division. To add a bit of pizzazz and entertainment to the match, a group of local young women were recruited to accompany Timber Jim as the Timber Jills dance squad.
When I heard about all of this, I of course had to hear more. So one night last fall, as we were on the eve of clutching our first MLS Cup Championship, Tom and I recorded a conversation with two of the members of the squad, Brenda Becker and Judy Bennett, to hear about this mostly forgotten part of Timbers history.
In addition to their story, there are clips of some old school stickers, programs, and of course…the uniform.
In the week after the 2015 MLS Cup, Widmer Brothers Pub had already updated their menus to include “Official Beer of the 2015 MLS Champion Portland Timbers.”
I checked out Great Notion Brewing last week. GNB took over the Mash Tun near the corner of NE 22nd and Alberta, which is my hood. The assortment of photocopied kids menus includes what can only be described as some sort of Timbers themed pizza, possibly with artichokes. I was able to snap a picture of it, but not before it was assaulted with crayons. Great Notion Brewing actually held a kickstarter campaign to help them “primarily focus on juicy IPA’s and creative sour ales.” That doesn’t sound like a bit in Portlandia at all.
For the past couple December’s here in Portland, Ikea has set up a tent in Pioneer Square adjacent to the giant Christmas tree. Late last year they were handing out flyers featuring a sale on a green shelving unit “to celebrate the Portland Timbers winning this year’s MLS Championship.” The last time I was at IKEA in November I was bored out of my skull waiting for my wife to stop browsing, so I changed all the LED strips in the lighting section to alternating green and gold units. Everyone probably thought they were set that way for an Oregon Ducks game. Man, was I geeking out.
I’ve always had an affinity for Coke, growing up in a suburb of Atlanta, and as a skate punk in the 80’s (and beyond) feeling like the song Let’s Go Get Cokes, by The Faction was written for me personally, even though my straight edge phase didn’t last long. Still, finding this Timbers themed Coke display in Safeway, complete with custom scarf startled me a bit. Of course I want the FO to make money where they can, within reason, so we can keep paying those transfer fees. On the other hand, it just felt a little awkward.