It’s been a long time since there was a post of any substance, so I’m going to ease into it with a post lacking almost any real Timbers content. Brad Bourque was watching a video documenting a year long battle between a couple of guys trying to finish the game The Legend of Zelda in world record time and spotted a Timbers flag in the background. It turns out the gamer known as LackAttack24 is a Timbers supporter. The “documentary” video was published in 2017, but the Timbers flag footage dates back to 2015, which was a great year for Timbers supporters… Since then, LackAttack24 has beaten his own record several times.
I thought it would be easier to track down the year of this car by the taillights, but I couldn’t figure it out. It would be great if it was a 1975 model, but the taillights seemed closer to 80’s. I spent way too much time looking at Trans Ams and Firebird’s. The minute after I posted this, I realized realized it’s probably a Camaro… 1980 from the looks of it. I’m a Mopar guy myself., but this is pretty sweet. I don’ think I could pull it off though.
[Photo via a friend of Natalie Bleibtrey]
I don’t know who made this. The one floating around Facebook has other “rivalry” teams switched. There are some guys I would never want to see in a Timbers uniform, like Dempsey, but Morris… that kids alright, but seeing Diego in a Sounders kit hurts my stomach. There’s a version floating around with some text that says Diego looks terri-bule in rave green…
This patch from Tender Ghost seems tailor-made for a Timbers and Thorns supporter, but it turns out it’s unrelated.
I decided to take a poke at some data visualization by tinkering with Chart.js, which is pretty powerful. Even though it has a lot of documentation, the examples are sparse and it took me a while to make it look right. You can see I've charted our conference standing, supporter's shield standing, and MLS Power Rankings after each game. Notice, this isn't by week, it's by games played. Standings are noted at the end of the weekend, or if it was a midweek game, after all midweek games have been played. I prefer that to weekly updates because I think it gives a more accurate and interesting picture.
Because we were in the same position in conference standing and Supporter's Shield standing for several weeks, it's kind of boring to look at, and unfortunately where they overlap it doesn't exactly show it. Ideally I would think the lower layers would be positioned slightly lower so you could se it, but I can't figure out how to make that happen. Another issue, the highest standing you can achieve is a 1, but if I don't start the ticks around 0, the line thickness gets cropped. Fortunately I can turn of the label for that first tick. I'll be fiddling with the settings a lot so if you come back later I may have learned thing or two and it may look somewhat different. (UPDATE - Keeping an updated version of this chart over here.)
So... are we in a slump? Sure looks like it. You can see the individual graphs after the jump.
2016 hangover is officially over. What happened in the off season? Not so surprisingly, we learned that Nat Borchers and Lucas Melano would not be returning, while Rodney Wallace’s return to MLS did not go as many hoped. We raided Saprissa for David Guzman and Roy Miller. An all too familiar preseason, season-ending injury to Gbenga Arokoyo sealed the fate of Jack McInerney. We managed to keep Darlington Nagbe off the Celtic roster, and saw him return to the USMNT after Klinsman got fired. We added a former teammate of Diego Valeri in Sebastián Blanco, a player who in preseason already looks like he’s been with the team for a year. Meanwhile, completely unexpected Superdraft acquisition Jeremy Ebobisse has been quietly tearing it up in the CONCACAF U-20 Championships. Developing talent or developed talent? It’s an odd numbered year, so we’re already in a good spot, but things sure are looking rosy! Bring it on!
I added a Timbers and Thorns patch gallery to the site. It’s a work in progress. So far, 209 entries, which includes patches designed by the Timbers organization, No Pity Originals, and unaffiliated supporters. There are lot of gaps in the information, but this is a good start. Patch culture, designing and trading is a strong subgroup of the Timbers Army community. Check out the Patch Gallery. You may notice one of the categories is called “Merritt Badges” instead of merit badges. It’s not a typo, rather a reference to owner Merritt Paulson. And just like merit badge you get in a Scouting program, you have torn these too.
It’s MLS Cup Day. What a difference a year makes.
Even if Seattle wins, it seems their first MLS Cup will be overshadowed by the Timbers having done it first. It’s not just me that thinks so!
Portland’s 2015 MLS Cup triumph has spurred Seattle’s run to the final
Read it: EspnFC.com
Cascadian pride or Seattle/Toronto hate? It’s a tough decision for both of the Cascadian sides sitting this Cup out. The TA gets the headline photo in this article.
The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com
I had not planned on posting about this, but it sort of naturally fits here. Leslie Jones is a divisive figure in comedy. People either love her or hate her. I had been warming to her recently, but last week’s appearance wearing a Sounders jersey during the closing credits of SNL has me reversing course. On second thought, she is a comedian, so maybe this was supposed to be funny.
The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com
I have suspected Alexi Lalas of having an anti-Timbers bias, but it’s possible he just doesn’t like Cascadia. Alexi’s third reason on why Toronto should win today is something I think we all can agree on.
Alexi Lalas gives 3 reasons why Toronto FC will beat the Seattle Sounders FC in tomorrow’s Major League Soccer (MLS) Cup.
Watch it: FS1 on Facebook
Speaking of insufferable…
One Win From Championship, Sounders Fans Ready To Seize The Crown Of Insufferability From Chastened Timbers Fans.
Read it: The Nutmeg News
Forget the mainstream Soccer media. The Nutmeg news offers all the concise game day analysis you could ever want.
Battle Of The Phallus: Seattle And Toronto Battle It Out To Determine Exactly Which Side Is The Cock-Of-The-Walk.
Read it: The Nutmeg News
Merritt Paulson posted a tease of the 2017 kit. From what we can see, it looks like a modernization of the beloved alternative retro kit we were forced to ditch for the 2016 season. Stoked! This is the first time since the Chevron that I haven’t been immediately turned off on first viewing. Of course that hasn’t stopped my from buying in the past…
It’s the end of October and there’s nothing to look forward to except for some housecleaning on the roster and the promise a new season 2017, assuming we survive the expansion draft…
I made this graphic in 5 minutes on Monday morning as a way to try and lighten the mood a little bit. I posted in the PTFC Patch Patrol, a patch trading group that I spend too much time in. It went over pretty well, and unfortunately, (or fortunately, I’m not sure how I feel about this…) someone asked if they could produce it. After absolving myself, I turned over the vector art and then, off course, ordered some for myself once the project went live. You can get in on it if the ordering isn’t closed. If not, sit back and watch Caleb Porter’s post game comments after our mind-numbing meltdown in Vancouver, which was preceded by a really disappointing draw and exit from CCL competition three days earlier.
[A sobering tweet from the Timbers Army]
“Jake, your mom and I are so very disappointed in you. I mean, what would your poor grandmother think? I expect this from Liam, but you just KNOW better. You are not allowed to hang out with Liam anymore. You’re grounded. You go to your job and you come home immediately, no socializing afterwards. I want you to delete his contact from your phone and unfriend him on Facebook. You let your team down, you let your family down, and you let yourself down. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”
[Source: KATU] #RCTIDUI
I get a little less upset about Valentin not being on the field with most matches that Vitas plays. I still want to see Zarek on the pitch for us, and Vitas may have won the starting position, but it’s still a close fight to see who is the most likable guy.
Andriuskevicius: Scotland fans need to be special to come close to matching Timbers
Read it: Scottish Sun
That time someone spent untold hours knitting a giant beard and Timber’s hat for the face sculpture outside Providence Park.
‘Beard Bomb’ hits mask sculpture at Timbers stadium
Read it: OregonLive.com
The Timbers Army Are Really, Really Crazy About Scarves
Read it: Willamette Week
Cut out and build your own Papercraft Providence Park
Read it: Timbers.com
Darlington Nagbe, Diego Valeri, and Nat Borchers come in at 11, 12, and 16 respectively in top 20 selling MLS jerseys.
Kei Kamara on list of best-selling MLS jerseys
Read it: The Bent Musket
Remember 2015? What a fine year…. Check out Augustus Rachel’s short animation of some of the top goals from the 2015 season. The Timbers make 2 appearances in the video, but one of them is something we’d all like to forget. The screamer from Asprilla will not soon be forgotten. I wish he had worked out his issues and stayed with the team.
It was an unfortunate week for the Portland Timbers to be featured in a demo of the MLS app on the Apple watch. I love it when my worlds collide, (I’m a long, long time Apple user) but not in this case. The FC Dallas/Timbers scoreline appears shortly after the 28 minute mark in the September 7, 2016 Apple Event. A friend of mine from Portland moved to California a year or so ago to work for Apple in their marketing department, so maybe he set this up in advance, anticipating a better result.
Yes, this is an actual, legitimate, non-photoshopped picture of Stephen Hawking wearing a Timbers scarf. Get the lowdown on KGW.com.
Photo: Brett Bigham
Some might call it opportunism, but most members of the Timbers Army probably have a lot more colorful words to describe an individual who buys items from the No Pity Van and then resells them on Ebay with an exorbitant markup. Everything shown here from Scotishstriker’s Ebay listing is still or recently available direct form the source. Those patches retail for $5, while scarves are only $10 from the van. I’ve heard of people listing TA items at retail just to combat the Ebay profiteers.
I couldn’t figure out what the tinfoil hats were for. I was sitting in 205 and they didn’t quite make it up to our row. Now it makes sense. I heard a rumor there might be some No Pity march based on this Tifo. For all you youngsters out there, it’s from Mars Attacks.
— U.S. Soccer (@ussoccer) May 26, 2016
Darlington Nagbe scores his first goal for his country on a volley. Well done sir. After you’re done watching his first goal for the USMNT, check out the excellent MLS Insider video Citizen Nagbe.
Giuda is live at Dantes tonight. They should play this song over the P.A. before matches in Providence Park. This is Giuda with Number 10. These guys are Italian, I wonder how they feel about Pirlo’s whining.
More Subbuteo table top soccer action after the jump with the Undertones and My Perfect Cousin.
Too soon? When I re-watched the match on the DVR all I could think of was the Stefon bit from SNL. I imagine had I been watching it live I would have other thoughts…
Not sure how I missed this, but I did. Portlandia, Season 2 Episode 8 from way back in 2012. In Feminist Book Store 10th Anniversary, Peter and Nance go to a Timbers game. Note: In this AV Club wrap up of the episode, they mistakenly call them the Portland Timberwolves.
– Thanks to Robert Tyner for the tip
As I was watching this video, the title graphics immediately made me think of one of my all time favorite video games. I couldn’t get Williams Defender out of my head. Still better than Stargate in my opinion. Yes, I am probably the only person in the world who finds this amusing. Apparently, you can get a port of Defender on your iPhone, which seems like it would be impossible to play.
When my buddy Tom told me his wife had been a cheerleader for the Portland Timbers, I initially scoffed. I had never heard of the team even having a cheer squad–what soccer team does? I couldn’t find a single reference online to there ever being a squad. Nobody I asked had ever heard of it. I thought it must have been a misunderstanding.
Then he brought in the uniform.
The team indeed did have a cheer squad…for one season. The 1981 Portland Timbers were in their seventh year in the NASL as part of the Northwest Division. To add a bit of pizzazz and entertainment to the match, a group of local young women were recruited to accompany Timber Jim as the Timber Jills dance squad.
When I heard about all of this, I of course had to hear more. So one night last fall, as we were on the eve of clutching our first MLS Cup Championship, Tom and I recorded a conversation with two of the members of the squad, Brenda Becker and Judy Bennett, to hear about this mostly forgotten part of Timbers history.
In addition to their story, there are clips of some old school stickers, programs, and of course…the uniform.
A win in March? A loss at home to Dallas? Relieved when Urruti doesn’t score, but happy when Mattocks does? What sort of topsy-turvy world are Timbers fans living in right now? Darren Mattocks gets his first goal as a Timber. Coincidentally, his first MLS career goal came in Portland as a Whitecap.
I hope we cheer Maxi Urruti in warmups. I hope he doesn’t celebrate if he scores. I wish he was still in Portland, but it seems his play fits better in the FC Dallas lineup. With 3 goals solar, he’s their leading scorer, and he’s just 1 goal shy of our leading scorer, Fanendo Adi.
Maxi’s championship ring via Instagram. Watch a bunch of Urruti goals after the jump.
Alright, so the news has made the rounds. The ankle isn’t broken. And we all knew de Jong was a thug anyway, now we’re just waiting to see how the retroactive red and suspension will manifest.
Honestly, I was a bit skeptical to see how the increased handing out of reds would come about, but I can definitely see some benefit now… just wished we’d seen the red in the game.
Let’s talk about the match.
We played better. I kinda called it in my last post, if I may gloat a bit, that we’d see Jewsbury back in the lineup and with the Captain’s armband no less.
Confirmed. Caleb Porter follows ptfzine.com!
Barring Nat’s own goal, I feel the backline played better. Borchers wasn’t getting caught out of position as much, and Taylor is stepping up his game. It was great to finally see Klute and some definitive LB skills at work. Powell was good defensively as well, despite his questionable attacking forays.
Jack and Chara have a great partnership at mid. I don’t even really know what else to say about that. Always feels good when I see those two in that formation.
Of course we had Valeri and Nagbe in our attacking mids, no worries there. That said… what to do about Melano? Now, I’ve got no beef with the guy and I think he played a pretty good game, showing some hustle on offense and defense, almost had a goal. Almost. Jack Barmby has got to be chomping at the bit to get some minutes in, and I think we’re at a point where we might see him get subbed in. I was almost expecting it in the LA match, and it may have happened if it weren’t for the own goal.
Adi aka ‘The Hold Up King’, had a solid outing. I must admit I was pleasantly bemused to see Adi with some midfield dribbles along the pitch as well! Not that I want to see that often, I want to see Nagbe doing that!
Now for tomorrow, good grief, already! I’m guessing we’ll see Grabavoy come in for Darlington, but on the heels of such a recent game, I’m not sure how the rest of the formation will pan out. I don’t think Liam is fit yet, maybe in the lineup though? I can’t imagine any other defensive change barring Liam’s presence. Offensively, we have options, the aforementioned Barmby, Darren Mattocks, JackMac. Asprilla is still injured I believe. I don’t even know what’s going on with BenZ anymore!
Time to check that depth chart boys!