Post Season Anxious Handwringing…

Stumptown Footy with news and analysis of roster changes and the expansion draft.

Timbers Announce First Round of Changes from 2016 Roster; Trade for International Roster Slot
Read it: Stumptown Footy


MLS Announces Expansion Draft Protected Lists
Read it: Stumptown Footy


Ahh.. Nutmeg News. Thanks for this.

Despite Excitement Over MLS Cup Win, Sounders Fan Decides To Not Re-Watch Game
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Sounders Sloppy Seconds

Well that sucked. The Sounders winning the MLS Cup is the doggie doo icing on the crap cake that was the 2016 season. Absolutely zero shots on goal, but they win in the PK shootout. It’s as if Toronto won the popular vote but the Sounders weaseled in via the Electoral College.  I knew I could count on The Nutmeg News to bring levity to the situation.

Sounders’ Victory Spawns Protests As MLS Supporters Say “Not My MLS Cup Champion”
Read it: The Nutmeg News


It’s Cup Day

It’s MLS Cup Day. What a difference a year makes.

Even if Seattle wins, it seems their first MLS Cup will be overshadowed by the Timbers having done it first. It’s not just me that thinks so!

Portland’s 2015 MLS Cup triumph has spurred Seattle’s run to the final
Read it: EspnFC.com


Cascadian pride or Seattle/Toronto hate? It’s a tough decision for both of the Cascadian sides sitting this Cup out. The TA gets the headline photo in this article.

The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com


I had not planned on posting about this, but it sort of naturally fits here. Leslie Jones is a divisive figure in comedy. People either love her or hate her. I had been warming to her recently, but last week’s appearance wearing a Sounders jersey during the closing credits of SNL has me reversing course. On second thought, she is a comedian, so maybe this was supposed to be funny.

The enemy of my enemy: How other MLS fanbases are rooting in MLS Cup
Read it: MLSsoccer.com


I have suspected Alexi Lalas of having an anti-Timbers bias, but it’s possible he just doesn’t like Cascadia. Alexi’s third reason on why Toronto should win today is something I think we all can agree on.

Alexi Lalas gives 3 reasons why Toronto FC will beat the Seattle Sounders FC in tomorrow’s Major League Soccer (MLS) Cup.
Watch it: FS1 on Facebook


Speaking of insufferable…

One Win From Championship, Sounders Fans Ready To Seize The Crown Of Insufferability From Chastened Timbers Fans.
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Forget the mainstream Soccer media. The Nutmeg news offers all the concise game day analysis you could ever want.

Battle Of The Phallus: Seattle And Toronto Battle It Out To Determine Exactly Which Side Is The Cock-Of-The-Walk.
Read it: The Nutmeg News


Excell Ent

MLS Topps Trading Cards

This is the first time I’ve seen Timbers (or any) Topps MLS trading cards in a local Target. In years past I’ve always had to order them online. This things are printed early on, but here are fewer missing notables than last year’s set. I think that came with a couple rookie cards featuring guys that never saw first team minutes. Ben Polk is the only guy who hasn’t seen first team minutes this yea. Unfortunately, Borchers is out for the season, possibly his career, but it was nice to see him get a card. Then there’s the Adam Kwarasey card. I would have liked to see him get the chance to say goodbye to the the home crowd before we shipped him off. The title of this post refers to the inadvertent phrasing of the price marking on the point of sale… There is one extra special card that is Excell Ent, even “Excellent.”

Continue reading “Excell Ent”

DV8 Donates

dv8-28sec

The most gracious man in the MLS has donated the ball he used to score the MLS Cup record setting 27 second goal to the Timbers Army. The images above are from the video and picture in the Timbers Army post that broke the news. Is it possible to retire a jersey number while the player is still playing? Let’s do it!  Have you seen the fan-created patch that commemorated the event? Catch the patch and a replay of the goal after the jump.

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The Invasion of Columbus Patch

columbus-invasion

My wife and I bought plane tickets for the the MLS Cup the same night Lucas Melano sealed the deal in Dallas.  When we got to columbus we were blown away by the traveling Timbers Army and the support the 107ist and TA across the country had provided. It was like being at home in Columbus, and the full story is something for another post. This post is about the patch I produced to commemorate the event. It was also used as an informal fundraiser for the 107ist so they could continue to provide truly legendary away day support for the Timbers Army, and indirectly, the Timbers team itself.

Continue reading “The Invasion of Columbus Patch”

Class Ring

ring-107

Not long after the it was announced that you could bid on a Timbers MLS Champions Ring to benefit the Timbers Stand Together charity, the 107ist launched a campaign to raise money to buy the ring and hold it in the fan’s trust. It was a pretty great idea actually. You average fan wouldn’t get much of a chance to see a championship ring, assuming Timber Jim eventually stops wearing his ring to home matches. The theory was that it would be available for public viewing at Fanladen at some point, on a recurring basis. It turns out Merritt Paulson had intended to give one to the 107ist as a surprise, so he had to come clean. 107ist replaces the name that would appear on a team member’s ring. I think our owner definitely has a lot of class, no matter how much crass he has.

[ Source: Oregonian. ] – Deleted Tweet photo: Nutmeg News

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One Ring to Rule them All

rings

Championship rings. I’ve never seen one for the MLS, but I assumed they would be a littler more understated than NFL and NBA rings, but maybe not considering the perceived MLS inferiority complex. Still, if you’re going to wear a big ole fancy ring with precious stones, you could do worse. The box with the axe on the ring as a “T” is executed well, and the nod to Cascadia on the side of the ring is just… excellent. I hope they paid for extra insurance on that FedEx overnight package to Rodney Wallace in Portugal.

[Source: Timbers.com] – Photos by Craig Mitchelldyer

Continue reading “One Ring to Rule them All”

True Story

True Story: I’m waiting in line to board a flight from Portland to Atlanta on Wednesday. The guy behind me looks at my Timbers sweatshirt and says “What is that, a soccer team or something?” I replied “Yes, but not just any team, we’re the 2015 champions! I take it you’re not from Portland?” Him: “No, I’m not. I’m from Columbus, Ohio. I guess I need to start following soccer.”  Me: “Yeah you do, because Columbus is who we beat in the championship, and we’re playing them again in the season opener this weekend!”

Watch this episode of MLS Insider where the Portland Timbers write MLS Cup History. It’s a good one.

1 Championship: 3 Beers

beer

Considering Widmer Brothers partnership as the official beer of the Portland Timbers, you’d expect them to brew up a beer or two in celebration of their MLS Cup victory, and they  have. There’s First Star red rye and Thrill of Victory dark Cascadian ale. Both of these are available on tap only, which is a bit lazy if you ask me, but don’t ask me because I’m still mad they stopped brewing Green And Gold Kolsch. First Star was made with input from the coaching staff. Then there’s the Hopworks project Captain Jack’s Lucky 13 Championship IPA, made with very direct input from Jack Jewsbury. Corporate beer sponsor notwithstanding, Jack mentioned his affinity for Hopworks on social media, and they reached out to him for a collaboration. They started this before the cup, so it would have come out regardless of a win or loss, although they might  have had to change the name. The old salty dog will be a Hopworks in person  for the unveiling after the opening match. Looks from the looks of the photo, you should be able to buy Jack’s beer in bottle as well as on tap.   Of course you can still get the Caleb Porter, porter. There’s no news yet of the beer that Columbus Brewing will have to brew in honor of losing their bet.

[Left Photo: Thomas Bleigh]

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Double Dissed


mls-ta

Have you seen the Guardian’s list of top contenders for the 2016 season? The Timbers aren’t on the list, yet somehow Seattle is, and 3 of the remaining 7 teams are the same ones we knocked out of the MLS Cup race last year.

Then there’s MLSsoccer.com’s Supporters Group Guides. They are supposed to be tongue in cheek summaries written in the style of a bird watcher’s book. In the case of the Timbers Army, it offers an uninformed viewpoint at best. It’s a fluff piece, pure filler, and that might have been excusable were it not for the caricature the chose to represent the TA. Nothing against illustrator Elliot Gerard, he probably accepted some random freelance assignment and had no frame of reference other than NFL fans with scarves. MLS makes some goofy marketing/media choices, and this is a prime example of being out of touch with their own fan base. MLS teams as 90210 characters is so much better.  On the topic of MLS media, please, don’t get me started on Rachel Bonneta’s replacement. She’s like an actual soccer mom trying to sound like a teenager. Rachel definitely had some ultra corny moments, but Arielle Castillo is the worst.

Everyone loves the new kit.

bad-columbus-jersey

The crew is taking it pretty hard on the chin after losing the MLS Cup and as some would suggest, also losing the bet that allowed a grade school kid in Portland to design the Crew’s new kit. I’m not a fan of our new kit either, but our primary kit really grew on me over the course of last season. I almost bought one, which is incredible considering my initial reaction was “junior college fashion design project.” The Crew has a pretty good sense of humor about it. They produced a video showing various Crew members reading and reacting to mean tweets. The Oregonian got into it too, highlighting some Timbers fan kit commentary.

Yes, I chose that unflattering screen capture of Justin Meram on purpose. Yes, there is a Bob Ross video after the jump.

Continue reading “Everyone loves the new kit.”

Maestro del soccer

maestro

I love awkward auto-translations. Here’s a bit from Perfil, an Argentinian weekend newspaper talking about Diego Valeri’s MLS Cup win and tenure in Portland.

Even those who barely understand a bit of Spanish deduce the magnitude of the term which represents the driver of the Timbers, brand new MLS champions, which gave the first title in four decades to a city that breathes football more than ever.

Here’s a link to the translated version in case you barely understand a bit of Spanish like I do. The image above was reposted on Facebook from a tweet that I can’t track down. If you know whose it is, please let me know. It likely dates sometime between the 1st and 16th of January.

Tonight we square off against the Whitecaps in preseason. I hope Vancouver isn’t as chippy as Minnesota and RSL have been in preseason, or for that matter, the Whitecaps of the 2015 preseason.

– Thanks to Paul Atkinson for the tip.

Ikea on the Bandwagon

timbers-ikea-detail

timbers-ikea

For the past couple December’s here in Portland, Ikea has set up a tent in Pioneer Square adjacent to the giant Christmas tree. Late last year they were handing out flyers featuring a sale on a green shelving unit “to celebrate the Portland Timbers winning this year’s MLS Championship.” The last time I was at IKEA in November I was bored out of my skull waiting for my wife to stop browsing, so I changed all the LED strips in the lighting section to alternating green and gold units. Everyone probably thought they were set that way for an Oregon Ducks game. Man, was I geeking out.

Review: Cup Bound & Crowned

cupbound-crowned-book

I can’t imagine I’ll be writing too many of these for this site, but here it is, the first review on PTFZine.  (Amended to include clarifications from Prost Amerika)

Cup Bound & Crowned
Cider Press Review, 2016
ISBN: 978-1930781-96-6
By the writers of Prost Amerika
Forward by Timber Jim Serrill
Cover Price: $29.95

Two words I didn’t expect to see in this book: Cocaine and Shit.

One word I had to look up while reading this book: Lugubrious.

Continue reading “Review: Cup Bound & Crowned”