I couldn’t figure out what the tinfoil hats were for. I was sitting in 205 and they didn’t quite make it up to our row. Now it makes sense. I heard a rumor there might be some No Pity march based on this Tifo. For all you youngsters out there, it’s from Mars Attacks.
Author: kilwag
Portland Boys
Jaimie Goldberg’s piece in the Oregonian on the controversial phrase in the Portland Boys chant certainly has people talking. It’s one of my favorite chants, because I love the part where 10,000 people yell “I don’t hear a fucking thing!” and it’s always clearly audible over the TV. That’s just me. I’m immature about certain things. I don’t mind the line “shag your women, drink you beer.” In context it’s obviously a silly boastful line about also winning a competition for the opposing team’s dates. We don’t really advocate burning, destroying, wrecking, and killing either. Human life is the most sacred thing, right? If anything, I’m more uncomfortable with that line. However, and this is a big but, (Said Pee Wee: Let’s talk about your big “but” Simone. ) I can 100% understand how people are offended by the line. I’ve often wondered about it’s place in the repertoire of official chants for an organization that prides itself on inclusiveness and tolerance.
Simply changing the official words is unlikely to work. Disseminating that information to several thousand loosely aligned people is impossible, and the crowd will simply chant whatever it prefers. I suppose over enough time, with repeated reminders and enough examples, it might possibly work. Fact: It’s not going to happen in one season. So I’m on the record for keeping the chant and abstaining from saying it if you don’t like it, or changing the words if you prefer. If we get rid of it, someone please come up with another way for us to get thousands of people yelling “fucking” on national television, and I’ll get behind that one too. This is my opinion only, and not necessarily the same as the other (2) contributors to this site. You’ll have to ask them. BTW, I’m Polish, so feel free to send me your favorite Polish jokes if you want to see if I have a double standard about this. I don’t. I can appreciate a good Polish joke too.
Meanwhile, speaking of humor, the Nutmeg News tackled the subject of the offending chant by suggesting an official TA rewording carried out to the most excruciatingly politically correct extreme. It’s the low hanging fruit version for sure. I love the Nutmeg News, but some pieces fall flat. The winner by a long shot is the sometimes hilarious but way-to-infrequently-updated MLS Satire Facebook page.
Nagbe!!!!!!
Watch @darlingtonnagbe's 90th-minute volley to give the #USMNT a 1-0 victory against Ecuador. #USAvECUhttps://t.co/IVHPYqNr6y
— U.S. Soccer (@ussoccer) May 26, 2016
Darlington Nagbe scores his first goal for his country on a volley. Well done sir. After you’re done watching his first goal for the USMNT, check out the excellent MLS Insider video Citizen Nagbe.
Giuda Live in Portland Tonight
Giuda is live at Dantes tonight. They should play this song over the P.A. before matches in Providence Park. This is Giuda with Number 10. These guys are Italian, I wonder how they feel about Pirlo’s whining.
More Subbuteo table top soccer action after the jump with the Undertones and My Perfect Cousin.
Review: Two-Stick Timbers Messenger
There’s a new Timbers branded emoji generating app called Two-Stick: Timbers Messenger. It’s lets you send Timbers-themed emojis as attachments in messages and sharing on Facebook, etc… Yes, I am going to expend the time and effort to review this.
MLS promo or online dating commercial?
There’a a lot of awkward shots in this MLS produced video with host Andrea Feczko. It’s very reminiscent of an online dating site or adult chat line, and just feels really forced. Also strange that they waited until now to release this footage which was out in advance of our season opener. Ah… good times right? Remember when the future was full of the expectation of dominating the season?
(Warning: The preroll commercial will will play loudly with volume control disabled. I wish MLS would discontinue this poor netizen behavior.)
Stefon says…
Too soon? When I re-watched the match on the DVR all I could think of was the Stefon bit from SNL. I imagine had I been watching it live I would have other thoughts…
Four Three Tattoos
Four Three tattoos poorly photographed (with permission) outside the No Pity van after the Toronto match on 5-1-16.
UPDATE: There were four, but I was asked to remove one of them. The good news is that I’ve received over 20 additional submissions so far! Once I figure the best way to display them I’ll post a proper gallery. Several people asked me to include credit and links to the tattoo artists, so it’s slightly more complicated than the way things are in this post. I anticipate the gallery growing large over time, so I want to make sure it starts out right.
UPDATE: The official gallery is up, with 40 tattoos so far.
Who’s got ink? Send in your Timbers tattoos.
Please, Please, Win! Meow Meow Meow!
Not sure how I missed this, but I did. Portlandia, Season 2 Episode 8 from way back in 2012. In Feminist Book Store 10th Anniversary, Peter and Nance go to a Timbers game. Note: In this AV Club wrap up of the episode, they mistakenly call them the Portland Timberwolves.
– Thanks to Robert Tyner for the tip
Banned in New England
There’s the long and the short of it, but basically the front office at the New England Revolution made a last minute decision to prevent this banner from entering the stadium on Wednesday, despite all the precedents set and communication with the club beforehand.
[Photo: Timbers Army]
The Invasion of Columbus Patch
My wife and I bought plane tickets for the the MLS Cup the same night Lucas Melano sealed the deal in Dallas. When we got to columbus we were blown away by the traveling Timbers Army and the support the 107ist and TA across the country had provided. It was like being at home in Columbus, and the full story is something for another post. This post is about the patch I produced to commemorate the event. It was also used as an informal fundraiser for the 107ist so they could continue to provide truly legendary away day support for the Timbers Army, and indirectly, the Timbers team itself.
Supporters Culture
This article on Minnesota United FC supporters groups the Dark Clouds, and TNE (True North Elite) uses the Timbers Army as a yardstick, and includes a little behind the scenes video of our home opener tifo creation, filmed while Minnesota was in town for the Simple Invitational.
As MLS approaches, Minnesota United’s supporters’ culture blossoms
Read It: Twin Cities Pioneer Press
SCUSA MFR
Outside of Providence Park, post Timbers vs. San Jose. A happy crowd. Soccer City USA, Motherfucker!
Nat Borchers, Defender
As I was watching this video, the title graphics immediately made me think of one of my all time favorite video games. I couldn’t get Williams Defender out of my head. Still better than Stargate in my opinion. Yes, I am probably the only person in the world who finds this amusing. Apparently, you can get a port of Defender on your iPhone, which seems like it would be impossible to play.
At least there was this…
A win in March? A loss at home to Dallas? Relieved when Urruti doesn’t score, but happy when Mattocks does? What sort of topsy-turvy world are Timbers fans living in right now? Darren Mattocks gets his first goal as a Timber. Coincidentally, his first MLS career goal came in Portland as a Whitecap.
Maxi on the other side
I hope we cheer Maxi Urruti in warmups. I hope he doesn’t celebrate if he scores. I wish he was still in Portland, but it seems his play fits better in the FC Dallas lineup. With 3 goals solar, he’s their leading scorer, and he’s just 1 goal shy of our leading scorer, Fanendo Adi.
Maxi’s championship ring via Instagram. Watch a bunch of Urruti goals after the jump.
Timber Jim TED Talk Scarf
My sister in-law went to the Portland TED talks on Saturday and received this Timber Jim “spread the Love” TED talk scarf along with everyone else in the audience. Timber Joey was also on hand, and the two them were signing autographs on scarves and copies of Cupbound & Crowned. More pics and video after the jump.
A Test of Our Mettle, Make or Break, Turning Point, and a host of other cliches
We’ve got three games in seven days against conference opponents that are all doing much better than us right now. Our back line is in a state of flux. We’ve got new guys with no chemistry, and not-so-new guys performing like rookies. In the space of a week we could be in a very deep hole. These next 3 games could determine whether the 2016 Timbers are actually as great as they are in our hearts, or instead, just an ordinary team. LA, Dallas, and San Jose are in places 6, 1 and 9 respectively in the Supporters Shield race compared to our 16th place standing. This will be the week that all the end of the season articles are going to point to. Or maybe I’m just being dramatic. This is going to be tense week for me.
Continue reading “A Test of Our Mettle, Make or Break, Turning Point, and a host of other cliches”
Buyer Beware of Irish Limes?
Why spend $90-$150 on an MLS jersey when you can get one for $20? If spelling and 100% accuracy aren’t a concern, go for it. Someone should double check the game footage and make sure the so-called Timbers team we fielded against Orlando wasn’t a bunch of imposters in counterfeit jerseys.
– Thanks to Aaron Flynn for the photos
Continue reading “Buyer Beware of Irish Limes?”Rodney Wallace moves again
MLSsoccer.com still keeping tabs on Rodney Wallace. Looks like he’s left Portugal for Brazilian top league club Sport Recife. I went to the web site and was a little confused at first, there was a guy playing basketball on the front page. Turns out is an actual sports club with several teams. According to Wikipedia: “In addition to professional football, the club also participates in women’s football and Olympic sports, such as rowing, swimming, hockey, basketball, futsal, volleyball, table tennis, taekwondo, judo and athletics.”
The shoe does not fit
2015 Adidas Timbers version of their Crazy 8 shoes spotted at the outlet store in Troutdale. I’m a Vans man myself. I don’t play basketball, and you can’t really skate (well) in clunky high tops like this. These were available for about $60 if I remember correctly. Other versions of Crazy 8 can be bought anywhere from $40 – $130, so I’m not sure if this is a good deal. The only thing I’m sure of is that I can’t wear these. There are a lot of things I’ll do for my club, but this is not one of them. If they ditched the wavy plastic fake wood stuff on the side and the bubbly sole it would make a pretty cool wrestling style shoe, and then we could talk. They did not have the Sounders version available at this location.
Class Ring
Not long after the it was announced that you could bid on a Timbers MLS Champions Ring to benefit the Timbers Stand Together charity, the 107ist launched a campaign to raise money to buy the ring and hold it in the fan’s trust. It was a pretty great idea actually. You average fan wouldn’t get much of a chance to see a championship ring, assuming Timber Jim eventually stops wearing his ring to home matches. The theory was that it would be available for public viewing at Fanladen at some point, on a recurring basis. It turns out Merritt Paulson had intended to give one to the 107ist as a surprise, so he had to come clean. 107ist replaces the name that would appear on a team member’s ring. I think our owner definitely has a lot of class, no matter how much crass he has.
[ Source: Oregonian. ] – Deleted Tweet photo: Nutmeg News
Timber Jim Cover Story on Street Roots
Timber Jim has the cover story on Street Roots. You can read the article online if you don’t end up buying a copy. I did not know Jim was scheduled to give a TED Talk in April. I passed Mr. Serrill paused in the aisle at the RSL match. He was sporting a Championship ring and a woman was kissing his hand like he was the Pope. I wanted to snap a picture, but the moment was over before I could get my phone out of my pocket.
UPDATE: Added pics of the newspaper.
‘Spread the love’: The ethos of Timber Jim
Read it: Street Roots
Arizona State Champion on Timbers Academy
I don’t know who Josh Drack is, but he seems to be impressed by the Timbers academy system.
State champion soccer star Josh Drack leaves Hamilton for Portland Timbers Academy
Read it: AZCentral
Points for Consistnecy
This international break is cramping my style. Here’s the evolution of the Timbers logo. You’re looking at a partial enlargement of a graphic that encompasses the entirety of MLS that was posted on reddit. Even though it’s only a couple month’s old, it doesn’t reflect the Timbers newest logo. Pay no attention to that 2001 fiasco. I’m glad someone made the right decision circa 2005.
The Stats Are In.
ESPN FC conducted an anonymous poll of 123 current MLS players and asked them an assortment of interesting questions about the players, coaches, and the league. As expected, Portland fared well. Of course I expected it, but then again I do perceive most aspects of our team through Rose City colored glasses. It’s nice to see validation from independent sources. There are some intriguing responses in the anonymous poll, but unfortunately ESPN FC does not post the complete results, just the highlights. More annoying, the results are split into two different posts. Actually, they split it all over the place. Good luck tracking them all down. After listing to the first couple of commercial pre-rolls, I got fed up and quit.
Prost America Explores Portand Line Culture
Diego Diaz recounts his experience camping out for the season opener with Columbus.
Down the Rabbit Hole: A Night at Line Culture
Read it: Prost Amerika
Timber Joey Theft Saga Ends Well
It all happened so fast I didn’t find out about it until it was already done. Here’s the short version: Someone busted into Timber Joey’s car on Saturday night and stole his match day gear. He posted on Facebook about it, and the story got shared, eventually making it to the eyeballs of a KATU News crew who happened to spot a shifty looking guy wearing the entire collection while lounging on Burnside street. The person of interest said he found it in a bag, and promptly coughed it up to the news crew who returned it to Joey. Notice I didn’t call Timber Joey a “mascot.” That’s because I don’t think of him as a mascot, but instead a standard bearer. He’s the guy who carries our flag into battle. He’s not a mascot. Mascots are animals or guys in furry costumes.
Buy your own Championship Ring
No, Liam Ridgwell isn’t selling his ring to pay for hamstring surgery. Is that even a thing? The Portland Timbers are auctioning off a single MLS Cup championship ring, fancy box included. Proceeds go towards their Stand Together outreach. You can also bid on a signed photo of the MLS Cup on-field celebration, and a chance to watch an undetermined match in Merritt’s personal suite. Mr Paulson made sure to note that Cascade and playoff matches are off the table, so that means we’re in agin for sure. Same as it ever was!
Soccer Made In Portland Predictions
There can be no doubt now. I am a huge nerd. I love listening to Soccer Made In Portland so much that I am keeping a running total of the random points Chris Rifer awards each week based on the previous week’s predictions. Of course, it started as a simple running points total, but ended up being a little more comprehensive. However, I did trim it back a little as I was on the verge of including a time marker for the predictions and awarding of points. Now you can check out the only meaningful soccer stats you need to know. Once this post is gone from the front page, you can find the link on the sidebar. Again, please don’t let my wife know I how I spent my Thursday morning.